Transcription:The Chronicles of Nerd: The Lion, the Witch and the Locker
(The Nerd is walking through a hallway with a bully waiting near his locker) Bully: Blam! (Bully trips Nerd, which makes his books fall to the ground) Nerd: My studies! (Bully grabs the Nerd's underwear and pulls out, giving him a wedgie) Nerd: These are brand new. (Bully shoves the Nerd into his locker and closes it, locking him in) Bully: Blam! Ha! That's for, uhh, Ha! Nerd! (Nerd falls back into a winter wonderland where he lands on his face in the snow) Nerd: My goodness! I've fallen into a strange and magical land. (Nerd bends down to pick up wood where Mr. Tumnus is seen behind him) Nerd: Well, you're no excalibur, but then again I'm no King Arthur! Mr. Tumnus: Hello there, stranger. I'm Mr.- (Mr. Tumnus is beaten to death by the Nerd) Nerd: *scream* M-M-M-M-Monster! *scream* Monster! *cry* Monster, die! *deep breath* Nerd: Wow. I killed that creature. I'm a hero! Good job, Excalibur-2! But I'm freezing. (Jadis the White Witch is seen rolling by on her reindeer drawn carriage) Jadis: I, the White Witch, have sensed a new bor- Holy S#I#! (Nerd is seen warming himself from a fire partially created by Mr. Tumnus's body) Nerd: My queen. Jadis: Oh. Uh, care to come to my castle and enjoy some Turkish Delight? Nerd: Ooh, boy. My first sexual experience without a computer! Jadis: Turkish Delight is a candy. Nerd: Ooh, boy. Candy! Jadis: And now, my champion, we will defeat my enemy...The talking lion. Nerd: What? The talking lion? *fart noise* You mean there's no dragons or Balrogs or even ringwraiths? Jadis: No. Just a talking lion, who's now the allegory for Jesus. Nerd: Well, I don't know. Even a talking lion sounds pretty scary. I'm not all that- (Jadis pulls down her shirt to reveal her boobs to the Nerd) Nerd: Your wish is my command. (The nerd is seen on a unicorn holding a sword) Nerd: Woo-hoo-hoo! This is the best Larpse ever! Unicorn: Later, I'll show you how to cross swords! Santa Claus: And now young children, may these guide you through your journeys. Peter: Why is Santa Claus giving us lethal weapons? Nerd: Hee-hee-hee! Look at me! I'm on a horse! Santa: There he is, children. Kill him! (Susan accidentally shoots Santa in the back of the neck with her arrow. The two quickly leave) Nerd: Eat your hearts out, Worlds of Warcraft! Aslan: *groan* This is why kids should read good Christian fantasies instead of Harry Potter. Centaur: You seen that play with Daniel Radcliffe's penis? Aslan: What kind of question is that to ask the Jesus allegory lion? But yes. Nerd: Woo-hoo! (Aslan is decapitated by the Nerd) Nerd: Three-hundred experience points for me! Great job, Excalibur III! Bully: I'm bored. Where'd I leave that nerd? (Bully opens a locker to reveal Daniel, another nerd) Daniel: *deep breaths* Thank you, sir; the air is very tight in here- Bully: Not that nerd! (Bully hears horse feet coming towards him) Bully: What the? Nerd: *scream* (Nerd decapitates Bully with his sword after he comes out of the locker on his unicorn.) Principal: You're both in big trouble! Nerd: It was worth it, my queen. Principal: I hope you know this will come down on your permanent record! Unicorn: You can't tell my parents! Principal: Do you even go to this school? Unicorn: Do you?! (End of Sketch) Category:Transcriptions